You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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