I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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