Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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