scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
