YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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