And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
