i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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