bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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