Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
