why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
