Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the condom got lost in my hair
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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