I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
