so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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