So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
