Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
