i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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