I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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