i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He did a backflip because drugs
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
