This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
operation harelip BJ is a go
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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