i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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