you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
