I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
