Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i believe in u and ur pee
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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