Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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