He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
