Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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