So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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