Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
