Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
