i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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