He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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