Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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