What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
