plz talk dirty to me
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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