i was born a porn star she said
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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