just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
