i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
