So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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