i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
