So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
