i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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