Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Randomize
