roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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