Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
