I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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