See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
