just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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