Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
