Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
