Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
