Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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