you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
