how can u be prego again
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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