My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
